Are you a feline troublemaker with a knack for causing chaos and raising eyebrows? Do you think scratching furniture, knocking things off shelves, and giving the occasional “I don’t care about your feelings” look are forms of art? If so, we’ve got the purrfect opportunity for you at AnimalKites.com!
Position: Bad Cat Extraordinaire
Location: Your Owner’s Domain (and occasional zoomies in the office)
About Us: AnimalKites.com is a leading online hub for quirky animal-themed kites and accessories. From majestic eagles to delightful dolphins, we’ve got kites that soar higher than our aspirations. But guess what? We’re missing something crucial – a Bad Cat to add some paw-sitive mayhem to our team!
Key Responsibilities: As our official Bad Cat, your mission will be to embrace your inner rebel and bring a new level of “cat-astrophe” to our workspace. You’ll be responsible for:
- Knocking Over Cups: Show off your incredible paw-eye coordination by elegantly knocking over cups of pens and water. Extra points if you do it while maintaining an expression of complete indifference.
- Desk Safari: Lead expeditions across our employees’ desks, creating a trail of paw prints that’ll keep our cleaning crew on their toes.
- String Theory Expertise: Develop groundbreaking theories about the purpose of string and dedicate time each day to thoroughly unraveling it.
- Late-Night Serenades: Grace us with your hauntingly beautiful vocalizations at the most inconvenient hours. Perfect pitch is not required; the ability to interrupt important phone calls is.
- Chair Assassin: Surprise colleagues by leaping out from under their chairs, reminding them that life is all about spontaneity. Note: This skill may also apply during Zoom meetings.
- Mystery Hair Distribution: Spread your love through the office by strategically shedding fur on freshly cleaned surfaces. Your artistry will remind us of the impermanence of cleanliness.
Qualifications: To be considered for this prestigious position, you must possess the following qualities:
- Charmingly Disobedient Attitude: Your ability to ignore commands and follow your heart (which likely belongs to a mysterious place) should be unmatched.
- Expert Napping Skills: Adept at finding the most unconventional and inappropriate spots for a power nap, like on top of keyboards and in the middle of important documents.
- Innate Curiosity: An insatiable curiosity for things like the sound of crumpled paper, the movement of shadows, and the inexplicable allure of empty cardboard boxes.
- Emotional Distancing: Master the art of appearing completely indifferent to the emotions and needs of humans, while secretly cuddling with your favorite plush toys.
Perks: We offer the finest cardboard boxes for lounging, an endless supply of feathered toys, and a bottomless bowl of gourmet kibble. While we can’t promise you a corner office with a view (mostly because you’d knock everything off the shelves), we guarantee a truly unforgettable experience as our one and only Bad Cat.
How to Apply: Send us your most impressive “I don’t care” look along with a list of your most notorious feats of feline mischief. Videos and photos of you executing your signature moves are highly encouraged. Show us why you’re the baddest of them all!
Join us in creating a chaos revolution and turning our office into a playground for the ultimate Bad Cat. Apply now and let the shenanigans begin! Disclaimer: Applicants should be cats and understand that pay will come in the form of ample belly rubs, chin scratches, and the occasional catnip party.